This should be good…

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THIS PAST WEEK: Things are heating up at Home as Our Speaker, Robert Lewis, spoke from real life experience of living with a wife of nearly 40 yrs in Session 4: “STAYING CLOSE TO THE WOMAN YOU LOVE”

Summary: GREAT STUFF! This is HOW to WIN at HOME and with your woman…

I. Paradox principle: “Die a little (to self), live a Lot!”

II. The Forces that Push Couples Apart

a. Everyday CONFLICT

i. The Reality: Every relationship experiences CONFLICT

ii. The question: how do I DEAL with the conflict?

HINT: Resolving conflict is NOT INNATE, it is a LEARNED SKILL

HINT: FEELINGS will follow where you put your MIND! Master your thoughts.

III. The Principle: Conflict can either GROW you as a couple CLOSER together, or it can force you FURTHER APART.

IV. Key Insight: It’s the WISE couple who learns how to resolve conflict QUICKLY and CORRECTLY (Eph. 4:26)

a. Creeping SEPARATENESS – little things mean a lot

i. What a man needs to ask: “DO YOU FEEL CLOSE TO ME?” “Do I feel CLOSE TO YOU?”

ii. Smart Moves a Man can make:

1. Commit to a WINNING strategy – be intentional in resolving conflict

2. WEEKLY escapes that become your COMMUNICATION connectors

3. MONTHY experiences that become your COMPANIONSHIP keepers

4. YEARLY extravaganzas that become your shared MEMORY-MAKERS

iii. Commit to be the one who INITIATES this strategy!

b. Creeping RESENTMENT – Beware!

i. Men beware – do not be embittered (Col 3:19)

ii. What a man needs to ask: “What growing RESENTMENT am I carrying toward my woman?”

V. Smart Moves a man can make

a. Look INSIDE

b. WRITE your resentment down in an I STATEMENT

c. COMMUNICATE your statements in a safe place where you have time to talk

d. Seek a RESOLUTION you both can live with

e. If you can’t, seek mutually agreed upon OUTSIDE HELP

NEXT SESSION: Bonus Round! Session 4: “IMPROVING YOUR SEX LIFE”

It’s not too late to invite a FRIEND to join us! You will be glad you did.

NEXT MEETING TIMES:

Hickory & Granite Falls: Wednesday 10/26/11 at 6:00 AM!

Conover: We’ll meet Tuesday, November 1st at 7:00 PM! (Halloween is on Monday).

Authentic manhood rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, serves humbly and expects God’s greater reward for faithfully living in this way.

Discover the man you’ve always wanted to be!

Guys… We have launched Men’s Fraternity in all three locations! We’ve had over 70 men join us for the “overview” session… I’m really excited about this year’s Men’s Fraternity study Winning at Work and Home!

It’s not too late to invite a friend…We’re starting with session one “A Man and His Mirrors”!

WEDNESDAY’S@ 6:00 AM:

• St. Luke’s UMC, 52 16^th Ave. NW, Hickory, NC
• Christian Fellowship Chapel, 99 N. Main St., Granite Falls, NC

MONDAY’S @ 7:00 PM (you’ll be home in time for Monday night football!)

• New Vision Church, 502 Thornburg Rd., Conover, NC

 What happens when turbulent times come knocking in the two places we value most: at work and at home?  We are about to embark on the Men’s Fraternity journey called “ Winning at Work & Home”. 

• Session 1: A Man and His Mirrors
• Session 2: What Men Need to Know About Women
• Session 3: Engaging “Your Woman” Successfully
• Session 4: Staying Close to the Woman You Love
• Session 5: Improving Your Sex Life
• Session 6:How a Man Makes The Money Work at Home
• Session 7: The “Good Life” and Where to Find It
• Session 8:What Every Dad Needs to Know
• Session 9: Dad’s Game Plan for Raising Sons and Daughters
• Session  10: Maximum Parenting
• Session 11: A Man and His Work
• Session 12: Two Visions of Work
• Session 13:Coming “Alive” At Work
• Session 14: Making a Name for Yourself at Work
• Session 15: Taking God to Work
• Session 16: Launching a Lifelong Winning Streak

Visit www.mensfraternity.com  for more information!

Discover the man you’ve always wanted to be…and invite a friend!

Authentic manhood rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, serves humbly and expects God’s greater reward for faithfully living in this way.

Wednesday Mornings 6:00-7:30 AM, Starting September 21st

2 Locations: HERE St Luke’s Methodist and HERE Christian Fellowship Chapel

Monday Evenings 7:00-8:30 PM, Starting September 26st

Location: New Vision Church located at 502 Thornburg Dr, Conover NC

For most men, happiness and satisfaction in life are locked up in two words—work

and home…and most of us need a game plan!

If you are curious, have questions, or simply want to be part of something that is

unique, powerful and life-changing…then join us on Wednesday Mornings or

Monday evenings as we launch our City-Wide fall study “Winning at Work &

Home”! This study is intended for ALL men, as we strive to lead fulfilling lives of

significance as real, authentic men! Join us…and bring a friend!

For more info earlefincher@gmail.com (919.810.6988)

For most men, happiness and satisfaction in life are locked up in two words—work and home…and most of us need a game plan!

If you are curious, have questions, or simply want to be part of something that is unique, powerful and life-changing…then join us on Wednesday morning, September 21st @ 6:00 AM as we launch our City-Wide fall study “Winning at Work & Home”!  This study is intended for ALL men, as we strive to lead fulfilling lives of significance as real, authentic men!

Join us…and bring a friend!

For further information contact Earle Fincher at earlefincher@gmail.com or 919.810.6988

This list is GOLD!

1. A servant-leader includes his wife in envisioning the future.

2. A servant-leader accepts spiritual responsibility for his family.

3. A servant-leader is willing to say “I’m sorry” and “Forgive me” to his family.

4. A servant-leader discusses household responsibilities with his wife and makes sure they are fairly distributed.

5. A servant-leader seeks the consultation of his wife on all major financial decisions.

6. A servant-leader follows through with commitments he has made to his wife.

7. A servant-leader anticipates the different seasons his marriage will pass through.

8. A servant-leader anticipates the different stages his children will pass through.

9. A servant-leader frequently tells his wife what he likes about her.

10. A servant-leader provides financially for his family’s basic living expenses.

11. A servant-leader deals with distractions so he can talk with his wife and family.

12. A servant-leader prays with his wife on a regular basis.

13. A servant-leader initiates meaningful family traditions.

14. A servant-leader plans fun outings for the family on a regular basis.

15. A servant-leader takes the time to give his children practical instruction about life, which in turn gives them confidence with their peers.

16. A servant-leader manages the schedule of the home and anticipates any pressure points.

17. A servant-leader keeps his family financially sound and out of harmful debt.

18. A servant-leader makes sure he and his wife have drawn up a will and arranged a well conceived plan for their children in case of death.

19. A servant-leader lets his wife and children into the interior of his life.

20. A servant-leader honors his wife often in public.

21. A servant-leader explains sex to each child in a way that gives them a wholesome perspective.

22. A servant-leader encourages his wife to grow as an individual.

23. A servant-leader takes the lead in establishing with his wife sound, biblically supportable family values.

24. A servant-leader joins a small group of men who are dedicated to improving their skills as a man, husband, and father.

25. A servant-leader provides time for his wife to pursue her own personal interests.

What do you think about this list?

Another great week of learning and sharing!  Robert Lewis did a great job of discussing God’s design for roles in marriage in Lesson 20:  A MAN AND HIS WIFE, PART 2

Summary/Highlights: 

1. CORE Issues in the biblical model for marriage
   1. Core ROLES that GOD GIVES a husband and wife in marriage:

          i.      Wife:  HELPER  – nourishes the home, nurtures relationships, servant lover

          ii.      Husband:  HEAD – servant leader, empowering others, provider, protector

1. Core RESPONSES that EMPOWERS your mate’s role:

          i.      Husband to Wife:  HONOR and PRAISE – I need YOU.  Not competitive.

          ii.      Wife to Husband:  SUBMISSION – God intended this to mean:  compliment, build up, fit the needs of, which validates our leadership

1. Core CONCERNS that meet your mates DEEPEST NEEDS:

         i.      Husband’s deepest needs from his Wife:

1. Companionship – he needs a playmate
2. Admiration – a deep respect and trust
3. Support – encourager (“I’m proud of you”, “I believe in you”)
4. Physical Responsiveness – in a healthy way (not coerced)

         ii.      Wife’s deepest needs from her Husband:

1. Companionship and Relational Intimacy
2. Develop common interests – develop an interest in what she does/loves; mutual interests too
3. Emotional Responsiveness –  the complete sharing of one’s self
4. Security – she is your 1^st choice always and the only woman (not just monetary and safety)
5. Significance – she is your equal and valued for all that she contributes to your marriage

 A Wife’s Core Concerns Explained (How a Husband speaks “Woman”)

1. How are you doing?
2. How did that make you feel?

 Why we need to Teach and Proclaim the Side-By-Side BIBLICAL MODEL of Marriage

1. It POSITIONS a man and a woman for what they NATURALLY do best
2. It ORGANIZES a man and a woman to COMPLEMENT each other rather than COMPETE with each other!
3. It CREATES an environment that is BEST for the healthy development of children
4. It becomes the IDEAL we can train our CHILDREN from an early age to EMBRACE
5. It HONORS God’s Word and is BLESSED by Him
6. It PROSPERS and ADVANCES society as a whole

 EXERCISE: “WOO” her – To draw a reluctant heart to yourself by making her feel valued and honored.  REMINDER to PRACTICE at least one act this week.

 TOMORROW:  How we men can make a real difference in lives with “25 WAYS TO BE A SERVANT LEADER”

 LAST WEEK:  Another great week of learning and sharing as Robert Lewis presented God’s design for roles in marriage in Lesson 19:  A MAN AND HIS WIFE, PART 1

 Summary/Highlights:

1. Key Verse for HUSBANDS or future husbands is 1 Peter 3:7
   1. “In an understanding way”… INSIGHT AND SKILL
   2. “and grant her honor”…. APPRECIATION AND VALUE
   3. “fellow heir in the grace of life”… EQUALITY AND WORTH

1. THREE Models of Marriage (most common)
   1. The Top-Down TRADITIONAL Marriage

i.      Husband Position:  KING – ruler

ii.      Leadership Style:  LORD

iii.      Goal in Mind:  PERSONAL BENEFIT

iv.      Effects on Marriage:  a WINNER AND a LOSER

1. The 50-50 IDENTICAL Marriage

i.      Husband Position:  PARTNER

ii.      Leadership Style:  LEADERLESS

iii.      Goal in Mind:  EQUALITY

iv.      Effects on Marriage:  DIFFICULT BALANCE and HARD FALLS

1. The Side-by-Side BIBLICAL Marriage

i.      Husband Position:  HEAD – provides direction and is responsible and accountable to his wife and God

ii.      Leadership Style:  RESPONSIBLE and SACRIFICIAL – servant leadership

iii.      Goal in Mind:  ONENESS – Cleaving to one another and building physical, mental, emotional and spiritual intimacy.  This takes time and is a lifelong journey.

iv.      Effects on Marriage:  HEALTH, HAPPINESS, and HARMONY

1. THREE Core Issues in Every Marriage
   1. Core ROLES  - how we decide and entrust each other in different areas of the relationship
   2. Core RESPONSES  – how we respond to each other in all situations
   3. Core CONCERNS  – he/she has certain needs that must be recognized and valued

 EXERCISE: “WOO” her – To draw a reluctant heart to yourself by making her feel valued and honored.  REMINDER to PRACTICE at least one act this week.

LAST WEEK:  Robert Lewis completed God’s perfect design for authentic manhood in Lesson 18:  A BIBLICAL DEFINITION OF MANHOOD PART 2

Summary/Highlights:

1. The 4 differences between ADAM and CHRIST
   1. The first Adam fell into PASSIVITY; the second Adam REJECTED PASSIVITY
   2. The first Adam disregarded his responsibilities, the second Adam ACCEPTED RESPONSIBILITY
   3. The first Adam abandoned his post of leadership, the second Adam chose to LEAD COURAGEOUSLY
      1. Men were created to LEAD, but it takes COURAGE!
      2. Jesus led where Adam did not:
      3.       He set DIRECTION
      4.       He provided PROTECTION
      5.       He made PROVISION
      6.       To be a courageous leader, every man must master one significant obstacle: HIS FEELINGS

The first Adam sought a greater reward; the second Adam EXPECTED GOD’s GREATER REWARD!

 WHAT IS A REAL MAN FROM A BIBLICAL MOLD?  A real man is one who….

1. Rejects PASSIVITY
2. Accepts RESPONSIBILITY
3. Leads COURAGEOUSLY
4. Serves HUMBLY
5. Expects GOD’S GREATER REWARD

LAST WEEK:  Robert Lewis revealed God’s perfect design for authentic manhood in Lesson 17:  A BIBLICAL DEFINITION OF MANHOOD PART I

Summary/Highlights:

1. Men were created by God to be SPIRITUAL and SOCIAL LEADERS
2. When Men abandon this pursuit, or when this pursuit is taken away from them, CHAOS ENSUES.
   1. Society becomes TROUBLED
   2. Men become CONFUSED, DIRECTIONLESS, and TROUBLED
   3. Women SUFFER and must FIGHT for their PROTECTION and EQUALITY
   4. Family life is HARMED and children are HURT
   5. God gave Adam 3 responsibilities:
      1. Will to OBEY
      2. Work to DO
      3. A Woman to LOVE and CARE FOR
      4. There are two views of MASCULINITY:  Societies/Conventional and God’s:

• CONVENTIONAL MANHOOD “the norm” – defined by ACHIEVEMENTS focuses on:        

1. What a man DOES
2. COMPETITION with other men
3. TEMPORAL power
4. PERSONAL rewards
5. SELF-DIRECTED
6. SUCCESS

• JESUS’ MANHOOD becomes AUTHENTIC MANHOOD defined by WHO I AM focuses on:

1. What a man IS
2. COMMUNITY with other men
3. TRANSCENDENT power (empowering others around him)
4. Focused on ETERNAL rewards
5. OTHERS-CENTERED
6. SIGNIFICANCE!  Desires to lead a life with PURPOSE and MEANING

1. The first Adam fell into PASSIVITY, the second Adam (Christ) REJECTED PASSIVITY!